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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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12:55 am - reposit
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this may very well be my favorite poem of mine at the moment. i've had it running through my head on and off for a couple weeks now, which has never happened before. i keep tweaking it, and i just felt like reposting it. i feel like it deserves a title. maybe i'll just call it "Stream of Consciousness." while it did start with no particular concept, someone did come to mind as i wrote it. i suppose the thought of him vague steered the direction of the poem. in my head, it actually had rather strong dominant/submissive overtones. so, more appropriately...
You
step on the blue lights
fabricated just right
you see it with your eye's mind
look down
now you've found the mystery
that's been haunting me
under your skin
where i begin to
speak to you inside of you
your thoughts exposed
when youre all alone
surrounded by sound
in your company i feel
things you've let me believe,
internal proximities to emptiness
transparent flight, i leave you
i feel no ground but
you heal me
in determined distraction
you're aware of me here
and in gentle dismissal you
keep me
my soul disarrayed
but dont be afraid
silent tourture ends
where love begins
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, September 25th, 2003
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8:57 pm - latest obsession
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Fiona Apple, "First Taste"
lie in an early bed, thinking late thoughts
Waiting for the black to replace my blue
I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught
But daddy longlegs, I feel that I'm finally growing weary
Of waiting to be consumed by you
Give me the first taste, let it begin
heaven cannot wait Forever
Darling, just start the chase -
I'll let you win
but you must make the endeavor
Oh, your love gives me a heart contusion
Adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red
Your hungry flirt borders intrusion
I'm building memories on things we have not said
Full is not heavy as empty,
not nearly my love, not nearly my love,
not
nearly
Give me the first taste, let it begin heaven cannot wait
Forever
Darling, just start the chase -
I'll let you win,
but you must make the endeavor
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, September 24th, 2003
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10:38 pm - Speak
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1:47 am - 2003-04-24
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grace is gone ( read more )
Me and My Box
haha wait...this sounds obscene. tonight lisa-m said to me "i just remembered i put my sandwich in with yours before we left spanky's!" i replied, seriously, "oh, i totally forgot you put your stuff in my box!" laughter ensued.
ok so, my poem. "Me and My Box"
vast land stretches out around me
i have no cares
i have my box
oh, box, my box
you shelter me from the world
from rain
but sometimes you get soggy
from wind
but sometimes you blow over and i get cold and i have to chase you down
from snow
then you look like an igloo and i pretend i'm an eskimo
dear box, my friend
i talk to you
you listen
always there to lend an ear
my four-cornered best friend
my 4-walled companion
my cardboard confidante
once enveloping a refrigerator,
now my home.
god i'm good. nobel laureate in the making.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: DMB, bartender
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(comment on this)
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1:45 am - 2003-04-22
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i lie awake and dream muddled fantasies
that drift across my open mind
i wonder tacitly what will become of me
when i die
i long for sleep or mellow wakings
where i exist afloat a sea of time.
meaningless relentless thoughts
which assault my consciousness, now deflected
i am free, at peace
at last unrestrained by awareness of existence
no longer shackled to an unholy cross
what is this gift of knowing
only to perceive one's self lost
And only to know that i know naught.
no, i didnt sit down and puzzle this thing out. it came to me, so im not sure what the bit about the cross is about.
*oh and note to self...get a black cat and name it charlotte*
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12:34 am - 5/16/2003
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um, stream of consciousness....
step on the blue lights
fabricated just right
you see it with your eye's mind
look down
now you've found the mystery
that's been haunting me
under your skin
where i begin to
speak to you inside of you
your thoughts exposed
when youre all alone
surrounded by sound
in your company i feel
things you've let me believe,
internal proximities to emptiness
transparent flight, i leave you
i feel no ground but
you heal me
in determined distraction
you're aware of me here
and in gentle dismissal you
keep me
my soul disarrayed
but dont be afraid
silent tourture ends
where love begins
ok this was 6am angst. haha thats the title now:
"6am angst"
night turns to day
but we sit here
silently
the words on the edge of my teeth
and im on the edge of my seat
silently
i cannot speak
i cannot tell you
you make me weak
i want to touch you
but my thoughts are drowning
and streaming down my face
you read me so well
you see how i feel
you want me to heal
you dont understand that youre
dragging me under
when you try to save me
just let me go
and i'll fall
but i wont go far
desire will stop me
i'm already climbing back toward you
hand over hand
heart over head
i cant force you
and all this time
silently in my mind
agony devours me
you'll never know
it's too late, i have to go
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12:19 am - posted 2003-02-04, slightly edited
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you gave yourself to me entirely,
you said you found everything you needed in me
you created a world of timeless images in your mind
and we danced carelessly--
lived precariously
your arms embracing my uncertainty
your boundless enthusiasm overwhelmed me
and i held on tightly when i should have let you go
was it my fault that you fell?
or yours for falling
(before i was ready to catch you)
and now only time will be the judge
when we stand on trial
for caring too much or too little too soon
without rationale.
************
Ashes fell to the floor carelessly
She didnt notice
She caressed the cigarette absently
His prescence filled her mind
He had let her fall carelessly.
She pressed her lips against the thin paper
And took a final breath.
She released them both,
but he didnt fall.
He had gotten her hooked.
Now she's trying to quit her addiction,
she's trying to heal.
***********
i had fractured visions through my shattered eyes--
a broken percetption of a fragile world.
i needed to see if it could be fixed,
the pieces of my thoughts rearranged--
transparent ideas shifting, ill-suited for this space.
in the broken mold of Understanding lies
fragments of truth that are not Fact,
and shards of knowledge, brittle as glass,
become clear
*************
Last night when you fell asleep
I stayed awake and watched you.
My eyes traced the contours of your face,
I didn't kiss you but I ached to.
Without moving a muscle you touched me,
Without saying a word you spoke to me--
No sound passed your sweet gentle lips
but I knew how you felt and I loved you.
*************
Tell me I'm beautiful
Even in the morning
Just smile at me
Kiss me
Even if I tell you you're embarassing me
I love it, but I'll pretend not to
(Don't believe me)
I love you, but I'll pretend not to
(Don't believe me)
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12:17 am - 2003-08-09
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2003
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11:54 pm
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Snapshot
find me in a snapshot of yourself
for the first time seeing someone else
the photographer's the subject tonight
and she doesn't even mind
serenity lies on the opposite side;
her focus lies beyond the lens
he presses his finger to the shutter
a flash of eternity begins within
what's captured in that eight-by-ten
exists as more than black and white
diaphanous shades of my emotions
infinitly reflected in your eyes
Saturday, September 20th, 2003
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